So my leg is killing me… very slowly… I am convinced of it… to those of you who can walk or run without pain- please please please get out and do something, because one day you might end up like me. I know I used to be a “downer” about my image or girls… and saying depressing things might have even been something that some of you associated with my general comments back in high school (about girls) and undergrad (still- mostly about girls)… but I really think the last several years since my 2003 drum corps experience I have been more of a happy and satisfied person in general… but I’ve got to tell you guys the truth- this thing is just killing me. Who would have thought that something like a hip/thigh/knee injury could permeate so many aspects of life- I would have told you a year ago that if I had this injury, it wouldn't affect that much in my life, but I cant emphasize how wrong I was… I’ve gained about 25 pounds since the injury, many of my clothes don’t fit, or fit too tightly to be comfortable, I cant play sports with my friends or do any form of exercise that involves “moving”, my sleep has a chunk of about an hour to an hour and a half taken away every single night (every-single-night) and has been like that for over 5 months (APPRECIATE YOUR FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP), the pain prevents me from paying full attention in class= my grades are suffering… I feel horrible about my body so I don’t even think about talking to girls… its just killing me… I hate to be “that guy”… but its just killing me… and I just don’t think that anyone believes me anymore… I figured I’d do some research on “chronic bursitis” and check out some discussion groups and stuff, and it actually probably made it worse… runners were extremely depressed, gained weight, said that it was “ruining their lives”… one person who said he had had it since 1995 said he had contemplated suicide several times… now… of course I would never think of that… but this whole thing has gone too far- this is just ridiculous… what is wrong with my body?! Everyone asks me every day in class how I am doing as I walk in wincing in pain, and I say “well…I’m doing the best I can!” and I try so hard to smile and pretend to be not in pain, and I do a good job of hiding it because they don’t need to be burdened with it, there isn’t anything they can do… but its hard to keep it all inside every day and secretly think that this is hopeless and that its only going to get worse… if this ever gets corrected I will forever value the ABILITY to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time, and the ability to GET OUT and use my legs for the things like running, or Frisbee that I always participated in as a regular 20-something guy in this world… dang it… this is really killing me. (or I could talk about pharmacy school like I did last year?)
